Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Success! We fucked roommates!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm really busy with my period
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