Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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