Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My balls are so social today.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
