and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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