the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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