...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
