Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm getting married
To pizza
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
