She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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