So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize