a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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