Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
