I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
