If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
