absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize