She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
