Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
