Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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