Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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