my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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