I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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