Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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