Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
