Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
