i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
