saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Panties = found
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
