he puts the penis in happiness.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Operation Purity has been aborted
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
