Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
