last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
