i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize