Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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