Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
