morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
