wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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