First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
