Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
