Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
