You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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