she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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