she was so not down for the gang bang
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
