i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
