I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
