atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
