i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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