would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
