I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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