omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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