i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Found your dick twin last night
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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