love makes seman taste better
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
