I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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