I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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