I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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