Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
