i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
