I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize