he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize