you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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