Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
