Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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