ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
