I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
