Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
