I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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